I’ve spent the last week in my hometown of Ann Arbor, Michigan. I’m heading back to Minneapolis today, but I have had a great time visiting family and friends here. I’ve been staying with my parents, in the house where I grew up, which means I’ve spent quite a bit of time sitting in a great deal of my own history.
One of my tasks for this trip was to start going through my early life possessions to make some decisions about what I’d like to keep around. My parents have kept the overwhelming majority of the artwork, report cards, and various things I created or received during my youth. It has been quite an experience opening up the big tupperware storage containers and going through piece by piece.
Sorting through, it’s nice to think back and remember periods of my life associated with the things I’m finding. It’s really the reminder of the memory itself that feels much more significant than the physical thing that cues it. While the past can’t be changed, it is important–it holds a great deal of value in what we can learn from it. Whether good or bad, it’s all a part of the journey that we can reflect back upon to better ourselves going forward.
One of the more interesting things that I found is my elementary and middle school report cards. Although they’re nearly two decades old, they are telling of my current path.
The particular time of transitioning from elementary school to middle school was a difficult one for me. To this day, I don’t know the root cause, but sixth grade was likely the worst year of my youth.
To be frank, I failed, and I failed hard.
Within a few weeks of classes starting, the anxiety I felt was overwhelming. I had such a strong reaction that I would actually throw up upon entering the school building. In the first semester of that year, I didn’t receive a single passing grade in any one of my six classes. With the gracious help of my parents, teachers, and school administrators, it took almost the entire year to help me come back from that rough start.
Looking back through my elementary school notes, there is some foreshadowing from the prior years. I noticed a recurring theme when it came to assessments from my teachers.
“Anthony’s problems were his distractibility, impulsivity, and thorough disorganization. His attitude and demeanor were almost always pleasant and positive.” – 5th Grade Teacher
Who knows exactly why I had the difficulties I did, but I might guess that the increased need for organization and focus caused a lot of the anxiety at that point in my life. Having to manage moving between classes, a tight schedule, and homework from multiple teachers probably didn’t help.
The thing is, this is still long before the days of always-on computing, mobile devices, and all of the potential distractions they bring. If I wanted to browse the web, I had to boot up a computer, spend a minute or two dialing up, and browse at a painfully slow pace. It was a different time in our world, and things have gotten infinitely more instant and impulse-encouraging since then.
For the last eighteen years, my life has been a constant journey of finding balance, seeking greater alignment with my intentions, and designing my environment to succeed. Technology continues to develop and provide more tools for us to use in our everyday lives, and I’m grateful for that. I can’t imagine where I’d be without the benefits that many modern conveniences provide.
I often wonder where I’d be if I still had to file important documents in physical folders, or depend on notebooks to track my goals. Overall, technology has had a resoundingly positive affect on my life.
In looking at these old report cards and teacher’s notes, I’m fully realizing why minimalism, intentional living, and aligning daily action with long-term vision has resonated so deeply. For the same reasons, talking about this journey and sharing it with you is one of the most meaningful aspects of my life.
While today I am less distractible, less impulsive, (and I’d say still pretty darn pleasant), I’m still that eleven-year-old who couldn’t quite pay attention in fifth grade. It may not be who I am, but it is a part of how I got to be who I am now. While we should not define ourselves by our past, it is still part of how we become who we are in the present.
Had it not been such a rough year for me, I doubt I would have continuously sought solutions to the struggles and anxiety that I felt. At the same time, it is that distractibility, perhaps disorganization, the very things that technology can help, that allows it to take over our lives if we’re not careful. A continuous balance is how we can ensure that we are benefitting from all it has to offer, while keeping an intentional relationship simultaneously.
For me, this is why I write, why I make videos and talk about the things I do. It is minimalism and the pursuit of intentional living that have allowed me to focus, allowed me to create, and complete. It is removing the distractions in my life that has allowed me to truly align with my values.
Despite what anyone may think, we all have unique abilities, stories to share, and amazing things to create. While we can’t control the genes that nature gave us, we can work to nurture ourselves using the resources available to us–it is our prerogative to do so.
So that’s why I’m here. To share and reflect upon my own learning and personal growth in hopes that it is helpful in your own journey. It means the world to me that you’re here, and I truly appreciate the time we share along the way.
When I was in elementary and middle school, many of my teachers commented on my ADHD, how I was “daydreaming, not focused on class lessons”. It’s weird because I hated having it so much but looking back I realize it’s what (and still does) make me curious about things and longing to look for better solutions.
Great picture by the way!
That must have been a trip to go through that kind of stuff. I think my mom kept my high school notebooks around for awhile (where I used to write down fake band names on the inside front cover), but eventually they moved and just threw everything out. Darn! But…I do remember I struggled a lot in 4th grade and have to have my parents sign off on my homework every night. They were told, “Tonya is a daydreamer.” Funny because i think being a daydreamer has served me in my creativity in my career, but in school…I guess that’s a different story!
So well said! Thank for sharing!
“Needs to apply herself.” What would have happened if I had applied myself years ago and actually picked a career path? I know that kind of thinking doesn’t help anything, but it haunts me now. (Not that there’s anything that I want to do. I want to do nothing.)
Also, when I did a similar endeavor at my dad’s house, they were amazed at how little I actually chose to keep. I looked over it all, shared some memories as I went, but all in all, I hadn’t missed the items so why take them on now? Obviously a very different mindset than my parents. Karen told me that she’d just go through the bags of things after I went through them, to keep any of the “still good” stuff that I had just opted to let go of. So… what was the point of doing it, then? I guess it’s her “stuff” now.
LOL. You should have read “The life changing magic of tidying up” by Marie Kondo before you went to your parents. One of her lessons is to never let anyone see what you are getting rid of for the exact reason you went through. Good book and very popular right now.
A very interesting read and I can agree and empathise completely.
Isn’t it funny how we can look back at our past, especially into our school days and see the major influences for our current selves. I am all to aware of this for my kids.
I can’t remember how long ago it was when I looked at old school reports and projects that have been stored in my parents loft/attic since I finished my younger education, but they are still very telling for me. Comments like: has a good brain, when he applies himself he has excellent aptitude, needs to try harder, he is not reaching his potential, expecting great things of him, often off with flights of fantasy, needs to focus on what is important, amongst others.
I do think the education ‘system’ completely failed me (not the teachers or the school) but the system. I would like to think that if I grew up in 2016 that it would have been different, with all the knowledge for example, that you are offering. But, sadly I think it isn’t there still and might actually be worse with all the digital and instant distraction there is. I can look back now with the level of wisdom gained from my 36 years, and can see how my life has been heavily influenced from those days, and also how my current life/self/purpose questioning has been hindered in a way from that period.
That two phrases stick out to me: ‘reach his full potential’, this rings around in my ears a lot, but just like I didn’t understand what they meant in the 90’s, I am still trying work it out now in 2016, 20’s since graduation from high school. I feel that I am operating no where near my true potential.
The other was, ‘prone to flights of fantasy’ as if this was a bad thing. Imagination and creativity was not promoted when I was at school, what i wanted to do as my subjects to study at 15/16 years old weren’t available because they were all grouped together in the same option box, therefore I could only pick one. I was forced into subject areas that turned me off from learning and I believe created the habits I have for avoidance and reduced attention. It is also why I feel very much in conflict between what I am currently doing and this passion for something more creative.
Another great blog post Anthony. Another thought provoking look into our own selves through the eyes of yourself.