I’m sitting here at my desk, with a now slightly less blank page in front of me. After almost two years of Break the Twitch writing, it still plagues me every time I look at it. Even the most mangled piece of writing is less intimidating than the empty sheet. In that moment the possibilities are infinite, and that is scary. I thought that it would get easier over time, and it hasn’t–that’s not exactly what this piece is about, though.
After years of writing, first for a personal finance blog in 2007 and now for Break the Twitch, I can’t help but say it.
I am not a great writer.
Know that it is not out of self-deprecation that I suggest this. You may have come to this conclusion on your own already, in which case, I’m glad we’re on the same page. It is not out of a lack of positive affirmation, fake-it-til-you-make-it attitude in my life. I got that. I am an overall positive, the-secret-believing guy and feel incredibly blessed in so many ways.
When I started writing in a formalized educational setting, I found it incredibly frustrating to craft sentences and paragraphs that properly reflected my feelings towards what I wanted to say. Small inflections and emotions were completely lost on my attempt at a long-form written piece. It almost always fell flat.
It’s actually part of the reason I recently started a YouTube channel, because I felt that anyone that might read my articles would miss an entire element of what I was actually trying to say.
I’ve known this all along, but what has me in a strange conundrum is this:
The two most popular posts in Break the Twitch’s history are from the first three months of its existence.
After almost two years of writing, I’m pretty sure that should not be the case. I thought the idea here was to write a lot, consistently ‘improve’ my writing as time continued, and then success. I thought I’d get better at sharing ideas and thoughts, while giving you an inside perspective on my experience, all while crafting beautifully languaged(sp?) word art.
Perhaps I’ve gotten better at writing over the last two years or so, but what really ended up happening was that I started comparing my writing to other writers that I deeply respect.
What I came to view as great writing, was not what I had been doing, it was what they had been doing (and continue to do). While I don’t consider myself to be a competitive person, I have continually tried to fit my writing style into what I thought good writing was supposed to be.
It’s a strange moment to realize that trying to be a good writer has gotten in the way of writing well.
— Anthony Ongaro (@anthonyongaro) May 29, 2016
It says something that some of my most popular posts came from a time when I could not have cared less about writing well, instead just wanting to communicate ideas and tell stories. Back when I didn’t think anyone was actually reading them, I was the most free and perhaps, that’s what mattered most.
What is it they say about writ…Er, dancing like nobody’s watching? Oh yeah.
You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.William W. Purkey
That’s the thing, I want you on this journey with me. I want to write like somebody’s reading, but I want to write in a way that is still my speaking voice. I want to reach through this screen and hug your brain with my feelings, thoughts, learnings, and failures while really opening up in a way that should help all of us.
If we’re going to do this thing, I want to give you the real Anthony–not good writer Anthony, but just, writer Anthony. So I think that’s what this is now–a return to origins, perhaps, a more casual writing style, and just more direct access to what I believe is the real me.
So where do we go from here? Here’s what I’m thinking.
Authenticity is scary as hell, but it is the only way forward.
When we’re authentic, we’re putting ourselves on the line. I’m talking about that thick, questionable Brené Brown vulnerable authenticity. It’s real and it’s all of us for the world to see. Especially with our current Instagram-ready, #lovemylife world, it is only authenticity that can cut through the clutter.
Why is it scary? Because we have to face the fact that our true selves might not be enough to get the job done. That is a risk that I am (now) willing to take. I’ve been struggling to write recently, and I trying way too hard to write ‘well’ has been making it more difficult than it needs to be.
Expectation and competition can help, but it can be destructive, too.
It’s great to seek inspiration from those we admire, but we should never let it prevent us from sharing our own perspective in a way that makes sense. Everyone is different and that’s what makes us great. There are probably 10,000,000 people writing about how to live better, so why would I want to do it in the same way as any of them?
Realizing that I’m simply not an essayist may seem self-deprecating, but in fact it is incredibly freeing. It releases me from the boundaries of my own expectation. I encourage you to let go of what you might expect of yourself so you can simply be what you are–you may be surprised by the result.
I am far from perfect, and probably always will be.
Despite a strong start to the year, I haven’t been writing every day. I haven’t stayed true to my daily actions for the last two months despite leaving my full-time job and technically having more time than ever. Will I get back on the horse and keep going? Yes–just as I’d ask any of my friends or course students to do should they hit a rough patch. I’m learning to love failure and see it as a simple step in the journey of success.
So maybe we really should give it a shot, and by ‘we’ I mean you and me. What do we have to lose, really? A few years from now I may prove myself wrong, but maybe I don’t need to be a great writer. Perhaps I can just be a writer, and write like me, instead of writing like a great writer should write.
In fact, I’m going to leave that incredibly awkward penultimate sentence as a testament to my dedication to this future direction–thank you for hanging out with me.
Hi Anthony, I’m randomly stumbling upon this post now, but it was definitely just the kind of thing I needed to hear! I just started a blog really recently, and the direction is kind of undefined right now. I have a general idea of what I want to focus on, and I also just think it’s a good exercise for me to write every day, but I can definitely get in my own head wondering if I’m just being vain. I wonder if anyone will honestly want to read what I have to write, or I think that I should wait until I have a better idea for my blog’s theme before starting to publish things on it. I even think maybe I’m a crappy writer and I have no business doing this in the first place.
However, this post reminds me that it’s important just to start writing and put things out there. I feel more motivation to write when I have a measurable goal like one entry a day, and I’ve been having ideas for new crafts and recipes to work on because I get excited to think of putting them on my site. Thanks for this little bit of motivation!
Hey Anthony, my name isThiago and I live in Brazil. I found your blog because of the weekend readings from Joshua’s blog. I think you’re a great writer and very honest! You have style! Thank you!
At one point, I remember buying all of these books on writing, and how to “hone your craft,” and then I subscribed to a few literary magazines as well. Even though I thought I wasn’t the most awful writer that existed, I felt like I needed to learn it from others who knew how to do it “better” than me. Well, it just kicked my self esteem’s butt. There were so many reminders of what not to do, what to do, etc. I would then wake up in the morning and look at a blank computer screen, and try to will something to come into existence. Big surprise – it didn’t.
I just stumbled upon your blog today from Cait Flanders’ page and you can count me in as a new subscriber. I love your writing style. I feel like we’re sitting down at a table across from each other, drinking coffee. Very conversational!
Hi Terri, I’m glad to have you here, and I’m glad that this resonated with you. Just keep writing, right? That’s what they tell me… 🙂
It’s interesting – you start a blog because you have something to say and it just comes out. Then you realize you have to keep talking… keep writing. And you definitely start to become more self aware with the sound of your written voice. My most popular post was my third one ever, also! Writing is a balm. There is no wrong way. But I agree, being authentic is the most important thing. . People want to hear honesty, how you solved a problem, or a revelation that you had. We don’t always need to be reading sonnets!
Yesss, that’s exactly it. The first few posts are easy because we have a lifetime of stuff pent up to talk about. Then later on, we get more self-conscious about writing, etc. I appreciate your thoughts here – I’m doing my best to do exactly as you suggest, problem, hopefully a solution, and honestly along the way.
Keep writing dude. There are so many writing styles out there that what most all writers do at some point is compare themselves to others, usually to the detriment of their own writing. I was fortunate enough, earlier in my life, to be writing with very successful contemporaries who have since gone on to write New York Times bestselling novels and memoirs and had their work adapted into films starring Reese Witherspoon and Paul Rudd. Sounds cool, right? Well, not if you see their success and then compare yourself to it and see yourself as a failure, which is exactly what I did for the longest time to the point my writing suffered and I was barely writing anymore.
So, keep writing, even if you think it sucks. Even if it sucks, it’ll improve over time.
I like your writing style. I’m sure your readers all agree. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be your readers.
Man, I appreciate your encouragement. I have some of those friends too and it’s just impossible to even think about comparing my writing to theirs. Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement.
this article was so helpful…Ive written and erased so many of my blog posts because I was afraid my writing wouldn’t be as good as others. Thank you so much for sharing, I’m going to take things easier now and not put too much pressure on myself.
Thanks Anthony. I’m sending this to a friend of mine who is considering starting a blog – she has mentioned some anxieties related to writing authentically and writing things that people actually want to read. I think your words will be an encouragement to her. 🙂
When I started writing,I wrote for others. I cringe when I read that stuff now. Now I write like I speak, and yes, I may alienate some readers with my swearing but that’s how I talk to people I know well. That’s now how I treat my writing, like I’m talking with a friend.
This is great Anthony. I can definitely relate. I have so many drafts just sitting around waiting to be published because I don’t think they’re good enough or they’re “not ready”. This post inspired me to be more authentic on my own blog. Thanks a ton!
I understand the tension between writing well and authentically writing. It’s incredibly frustrating to know that I am capable of writing better and more properly than I often do. I operate somewhere between tortured artist that has to have things perfect and the budding entrepreneur who at some point just has to ship a product. One thing I remember from Stephen King’s “On Writing” was that he makes at least two drafts of everything. The first one he writes with the door “closed.” This is where he is writing more as a stream of consciousness, and the second is where he shapes it for actual public consumption. I try to do that when I can.
Glad I am not the only one struggling in this way! Isn’t it difficult to want to put those ideas out there, have the drive to write that feels to me as much as a need as drinking water, yet somehow think it needs to match up to some other person who is inspired and gifted differently? I tend to feel like my writing is like a back-up singer to the top performers–I may jump on a comment feed and give 8036 ideas or angles on a topic someone else articulated in a blog, yet want to create my own content to put my perspective out there, but always have hung back due to essentially confidence that it won’t be respected or seen as having value like so-and-so’s page. My head knows that value is not always measured in success/followers/income/accolades, but you still kind of want that in the process! My view now is that the only way to know if this is a format I will enjoy regardless of reception is to start! So, I have created at site at sunandshield.net. I have no clue what my first actual post will be about. I did create an “about” page. The technical side also held me back–there are a lot of buttons to learn about just to manage the site that I still haven’t picked up on. I don’t have one specific topic yet that I want things to be about which concerned me at first. Now I feel like if I stick with it, over time maybe that will become clearer or if I can figure out how to have it be sort of a magazine of different topics/approaches to content. I may do little videos as well, but barely started with writing so have to see how that goes. I feel your pain, man.
We live in societies where great expectations and competition are deemed to be powerful motivation factors. However I highly doubt that they are the most efficient tools and they certainly carry a very heavy emotional load. It is exhausting to try to comply with others’ expectations – or even our own – and it is pretty unhealthy and depleting to compete when collaboration is much more fulfilling.
What truly motivates us is to express our true selves, in one way or another: in art, in sport, in business, in family or friends circles, etc.
We are pretty out of balance when we do everything we can to comply with a perfect, artificial image of what we should be when we really want to be appreciated for our true selves. Who do we like more: the apparently perfect guy or girl or the guy or girl who is authentic enough to show us his/her true nature, “flaws” included?
I love stones and I take macro pictures of them. I have noticed that my best pictures are from stones with “defects” (spots, streaks, uneveness of texture…) because, guess what, these defects capture the light. Couldn’t it be the same with our own so-called “defects”?
Authenticity, our own and that of other people, is what is truly nurturing and inspiring. So, Anthony, keep the good work and thank you for sharing your journey.
I am very pleased for you that you have let go of this expectation to be a great writer and that you have found it freeing. It might even free the best writer you can be and let him express himself spontaneously, which will surely be a joy to read.
It may be a struggle to write them but I do enjoy reading your posts! Since you seem to enjoy being in front of the camera (something I absolutely hate myself!), making videos is a great way to reach out to those who may not be that keen on written material – and of course you can get nuances across better speaking than writing as written text can be more easily misinterpreted. Keep up the good work! 🙂
Thank you, Minna. I appreciate your thoughts and kind words. It really is a matter of just continually creating–just have to keep going!
I don’t think it matters whether you are a “great writer” or not. Either way, writing can be frustrating and downright scary when you are publishing your words for all the world to see. I am what most people would consider to be a very good writer, yet the poems and children’s book that I’ve written remain unpublished because I don’t have the nerve to submit them. Fear of rejection is a powerful thing. I enjoy reading your blog because your words are authentic. I admire the fact that you have the courage to put your words out there, even though you may not write as well as you’d like. Keep writing and hitting that publish button because what you have to say is important and I plan to keep reading.
That means a lot, Emilie. I hope that you do send out your work because the world needs you and what you have to offer. I seriously appreciate you reading, your kind words and if there is any way that I can help you share your gift please let me know.
Thank you for being you!!
You rock Nikki, thank you!
Love your post. I don’t think I’m a great writer either (I was ridiculed in school for my lack of creative writing skills). But I enjoy writing and keep persevering. I’m not a great runner either but that doesn’t mean I will stop doing it.
Keep writing as your ‘authentic self’ and I will keep reading.
Keep on keepin’ on, as they say. I’ve really appreciated your comments and thoughts on the blog, and I’m grateful to have you with me here.
Thanks so much for sharing, Anthony! I’ve always loved your writing, but I appreciate your authenticity and baring if your goals. Personally, I also love your YouTube channel. You have a great camera presence!!
Hi Evelyn, you’re too kind! I love your writing, it always feels like I’m just sitting there listening to a friend. Thank you for your kind words and reassurance.
Hey, Anthony! Kudos to you for your transparency, and most of all for having the courage to take this scary internal step. I get it–I really do. I’ve been “writer’s blocked” for a few years now on the blog I’ve been wanting to launch, and have FINALLY just begun drafting posts for it. So I understand the drive to make your writing “good.” It’s a great thing to aspire to . . . that is, until it shoots you in the foot and keeps you from moving forward.
I’ve only recently started following Break the Twitch after having met you at SimpleREV (why didn’t I start following sooner?) but I’m already loving what I’m reading and seeing from you–highly inspirational in a very practical way. And now that you’re going to be returning to a more natural, less “good in a conventional sense” style of writing, I’m looking forward to it even more. You may even become my next role model. Just sayin.’ 😉
Hi Michelle! I’m so glad to hear you’re rolling with the blog. I remember you speaking about the idea at SimpleREV and I want more of it! Hit that publish button and start getting those ideas out there, the world needs us to share. There will always be space for it. <3 I'm glad you're here now.